My sin, Eustace and a big great lion

In The Voyage of the Dawn Treador (The Chronicles of Narnia), there is a character named Eustace. Eustace is a bratty child that wants everything his way all of the time. He is selfish, prideful and no thankful for anything. At one point in the book Eustace finds his way to a dragon cave and filled with treasure. His greed causes him to fill his pockets with diamonds and put as much jewelry as he could on his small arms, but he gets tired and falls asleep. Through his sleep and because of an enchantment, his greed turns him into a dragon. This outward expression of many things going on in his heart begins to change him. He finds his way back to camp and is somehow able to communicate who he was and learns to be thankful for his friends.

Now what I'm getting to, even though his heart is changing... he is still a dragon. But in the night, Aslan (the Christ-figure who "is the son of the Emperor-beyond-the-sea, who saved me (Edmund) and saved Narnia") comes to Eustace and has him follow him to a bath/pool. Before Eustace is able to bathe, he is told he has to undress. He realizes that Aslan meant that he had to shed his scales, so he begins to scratch off as many of his scales as he could, but no matter how much he scratched off there was still more. He is then told that Aslan would have to do the work of taking off his scales, that Eustace' work was insufficient. Eustace describes his experience 

"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything anything I've ever felt. The pleasure of feeling the stuff peel of."

Through this, he is made back into a boy. Aslan places clean garments are put on him and the work of being "better" begins in response to what Aslan has done.

I share this because of how true this all is in my life. There is so much junk, so much outward expression of my sin that is always present that I try peel it off myself. Sometimes this is out of fear of Christ taking that blow to my heart, even though I know it will ultimately lead to my joy. But I really love this process that takes place. Despite, Eustace's efforts, it is Aslan that takes away his scales and places undeserved garments on him, just as Christ has stripped away my sin and given me undeserved righteousness before him. 

So I don't know if allegories are something that "speak to you" but I know for me they do. There is something about seeing something that is going on internally, played out as a story. It gives me a new perspective and a deeper appreciation for Christ and His work on the cross. 

I have been reading “Spectacular Sins” by John Piper . In it he says “ Christians in the west are weakened by wimpy worldviews. And wimpy worldviews make wimpy Christians. God is weightless in our lives. He is not terrifyingly magnificent. His sovereignty is secondary (at best) to His sensitivity.” (pg. 13) He goes on to talk about how when we are grounded in the scriptures, the whole of scriptures, we will have a deeper understanding of a strong, powerful, good God that gives and takes life. This understanding will lead our faith to not disappear during hard times but instead grow because of our understanding of who He is.
This has been hard for me to read. None of this is “new material” for me, but it is convicting to think about how easily my view of God will shatter because of hard circumstances. My prayer for myself and for you is that we might grow in a deeper understanding of how big and great God is. As I are teach about how “God is in charge of everything” (one of the foundational truths in the preschool ministry at The Village), that we will really believe it and find hope in this truth. 

Grace

For the first time, that I know of, I am starting to understand grace. Don't get me wrong, if you had ever asked me I could have given you scripture, a good Piper or Bone quote and a good book to read on it (future grace is really good!) but I don't know if it ever made sense. 

I always felt that grace was something that happened in response to my better behavior. Even if I wouldn't say it, I felt it. So I'd read my bible a lot, pray  a lot and talk about Jesus often but as soon as I stumbled in any kind of outward sin I'd think I was beyond grace and give up, feeling "not worthy" to approach God or scripture. The issue with it isn't that I'm not worthy, it is the theology in it. Had I not (outwardly) sinned, would I have been any more worthy to go to God without the covering of Christ' blood? One thing I like about the book earlier (Future Grace by Piper) is about the "purifying power of future grace". Knowing that Grace is there in future just as it was in the past and there must be a constant state of repentance but only through Christ and Him crucified can I ever approach God. Not that I have it figured out, but it is so liberating to know that even as I sin that God's grace is still there. 

I'm not saying

 that it is freedom to keep sinning though. But once Grace is given there must be obedience. I'm reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer and that has been teaching a lot.  Here's a thought I've been thinking about....

"Cheap grace is preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, communion without confession, absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.

Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods..... Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it cost a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life"

I'm at this constant struggle of learning to be obedient and learning to accept grace. I think this struggle comes from thinking that they are separate. I am starting to learn that I'll never be perfect, I'll mess up all the time but repentance must be sought after again and again. Every moment, I must pursue Christ. I pray that I can learn this and not forget it.