Preaching the Gospel to others, when they can't preach to themselves.

"Preaching the gospel to myself each day nourishes within me a holy brazenness to believe what God says, enjoy what He offers, and do what He commands."- Milton Vincent (HT: Of First Importance)

Lately, I have been going through a lot of stuff in my personal life. I have seen sin birth new sin which births other sins. I have fallen into self-pity, which leads to loneliness, which leads to many deeper issues. But through this, Christ has been faithful. I have been incapable of preaching the gospel to myself daily on many occasions but Christ has put many Godly men in my life who are constantly reminding me of what Christ has accomplished already. I have been reminded that there is no room for self-pity because my identity and joy is in Christ. I know much of this sounds cliche but I trust they are cliche because of how good the truth is. 

So what has it looked like. I have had to remember the gospel often, and when I don't I have had to be honest and vulnerable with men in my life. Through this, I am reminded that whatever I am living in guilt and shame about, has been redeemed by Christ and that there is no condemnation for me, under Christ. So I rest in grace, I rest in the fact that I suck at loving Jesus but He continues chase after me and draw me close.

My sin, Eustace and a big great lion

In The Voyage of the Dawn Treador (The Chronicles of Narnia), there is a character named Eustace. Eustace is a bratty child that wants everything his way all of the time. He is selfish, prideful and no thankful for anything. At one point in the book Eustace finds his way to a dragon cave and filled with treasure. His greed causes him to fill his pockets with diamonds and put as much jewelry as he could on his small arms, but he gets tired and falls asleep. Through his sleep and because of an enchantment, his greed turns him into a dragon. This outward expression of many things going on in his heart begins to change him. He finds his way back to camp and is somehow able to communicate who he was and learns to be thankful for his friends.

Now what I'm getting to, even though his heart is changing... he is still a dragon. But in the night, Aslan (the Christ-figure who "is the son of the Emperor-beyond-the-sea, who saved me (Edmund) and saved Narnia") comes to Eustace and has him follow him to a bath/pool. Before Eustace is able to bathe, he is told he has to undress. He realizes that Aslan meant that he had to shed his scales, so he begins to scratch off as many of his scales as he could, but no matter how much he scratched off there was still more. He is then told that Aslan would have to do the work of taking off his scales, that Eustace' work was insufficient. Eustace describes his experience 

"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything anything I've ever felt. The pleasure of feeling the stuff peel of."

Through this, he is made back into a boy. Aslan places clean garments are put on him and the work of being "better" begins in response to what Aslan has done.

I share this because of how true this all is in my life. There is so much junk, so much outward expression of my sin that is always present that I try peel it off myself. Sometimes this is out of fear of Christ taking that blow to my heart, even though I know it will ultimately lead to my joy. But I really love this process that takes place. Despite, Eustace's efforts, it is Aslan that takes away his scales and places undeserved garments on him, just as Christ has stripped away my sin and given me undeserved righteousness before him. 

So I don't know if allegories are something that "speak to you" but I know for me they do. There is something about seeing something that is going on internally, played out as a story. It gives me a new perspective and a deeper appreciation for Christ and His work on the cross. 

Thoughts on Faith and Activism

For the past month I have been in a constant struggle of what the balance between faith and activism should be for myself. What I mean by that is, if we never look at the heart of the issue isn't it just liking cutting the grass of a lawn filled with weeds? It grows back, sometimes stronger. But I also know that Jesus has a pretty big thing for the poor. He loved them to the point to say that by helping them you might be entertaining angels (and no, I will not proof text loving the poor with the out-of-context James verse).

So where does this leave me? I could continue to focus on the short term of great things but that falls short because it never gets to the heart or I could focus on the long term but then exclude everyone who doesn't agree with my intentions, which I don't want. 

So where has my struggle gotten me? I think its an individual heart issue. All things not done for the glory of God is sin, and I think "all things" was pretty serious. There are people who work for non-christian groups who are living out the gospel and doing it all to the glory of Jesus and there are people who are with Christian groups who are doing everything to the glory of their own name. I am starting to think it has a lot to do with intention. You see, before the foundation of the world God chose me, for no reason of my own He decided to love me to the point that he sent his son to die for me. This kind of love can't be static, it has to move forward and must be shared. So whether it is a "christian organization" or not, when asked why you are doing things your response is "because Christ loved me, I want to love you and love you by (humanitarian work)" but then say to someone who doesn't have the same religious views as you "but look, if you don't like my intention but like where I'm going with this... join me in building this world."

But I don't have this "resolved" in my head and probably never will. And as far as a christian group that doesn't cater to immediate needs.... I think you're a joke.

So for some secular groups that have some killer Jesus-loving people working for them check out Invisible Children or Data and for some christian groups doing great things check our Mocha Club or Blood:Water:Mission.

Your thoughts?

Grace

For the first time, that I know of, I am starting to understand grace. Don't get me wrong, if you had ever asked me I could have given you scripture, a good Piper or Bone quote and a good book to read on it (future grace is really good!) but I don't know if it ever made sense. 

I always felt that grace was something that happened in response to my better behavior. Even if I wouldn't say it, I felt it. So I'd read my bible a lot, pray  a lot and talk about Jesus often but as soon as I stumbled in any kind of outward sin I'd think I was beyond grace and give up, feeling "not worthy" to approach God or scripture. The issue with it isn't that I'm not worthy, it is the theology in it. Had I not (outwardly) sinned, would I have been any more worthy to go to God without the covering of Christ' blood? One thing I like about the book earlier (Future Grace by Piper) is about the "purifying power of future grace". Knowing that Grace is there in future just as it was in the past and there must be a constant state of repentance but only through Christ and Him crucified can I ever approach God. Not that I have it figured out, but it is so liberating to know that even as I sin that God's grace is still there. 

I'm not saying

 that it is freedom to keep sinning though. But once Grace is given there must be obedience. I'm reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer and that has been teaching a lot.  Here's a thought I've been thinking about....

"Cheap grace is preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, communion without confession, absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.

Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods..... Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it cost a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life"

I'm at this constant struggle of learning to be obedient and learning to accept grace. I think this struggle comes from thinking that they are separate. I am starting to learn that I'll never be perfect, I'll mess up all the time but repentance must be sought after again and again. Every moment, I must pursue Christ. I pray that I can learn this and not forget it. 

A New Fort Worth

For the past few years God has really been working in me about church planting. I attended a boot camp for Acts 29 a few years ago, and the things I learned haven’t ever really left me. For the past few weeks God has been putting Fort Worth in my mind and on my heart. I always thought that I would end up moving to Portland or Seattle but the more I think the more I am starting to realize that for now, Fort Worth is the place God has called me to. I started thinking about a conversation a friend and I had about a church plant in Fort Worth, because of how few Gospel-Centered churches there are (please don’t get caught up on that statement). I talked to my friend Steve and he shared a vision similar to what God has been speaking to me.
What if a few people prayed for revival, What if we prayed for God to speak to that city? What if malls closed because people weren’t materialistic anymore? What if men loved their wives and lived out the Gospel to their families? What if God united Christians in the Fort Worth area, centered in Christ and Him crucifies to transform the city? I know it may seem like Fort Worth already had a strong Christian population but what if we prayed for more? I believe that God is faithful and will come through on this for His glory. So I ask, please join me in this prayer.
Back to the conversation with Steve, he said to me “But if you are wanting to an elder (or in leadership in general) then read 1 timothy and pray that your life might bare the fruit of an elder”

The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office or overseer; he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?...- 1 Timothy 3: 1-5

I will not lie. As I read this I am reminded of how much I am in need of grace. I am reminded of how much I need to work on. In each of these I see where I am not fit for this. I am now praying that my life be molded to this example. It is good to read this though because it keeps me humble, it reminds me of how much of a mess I am and how much I need God and His grace.

On a side-note- I am reading the journals of Jim Elliot and am again humbled at my unbelief. There is someone who is worth reading and following the example of , he isn’t perfect but again, that just reminds me more of how we are all in need of God’s grace.

On the road again.....

Tour had proven once again to be the best, hardest thing I've ever done. We began our tour with getting our van broken into by a massive rock being thrown into the passenger side window . There were three computers inside the van but luckily all they took was my ipod. My friend Jessica was so gracious as to give me an extra one that she has since her last upgrade. The only funny thing was that it all happened in Santa Barbara. 

From dorm room floors to our own sections of massive houses to filthy college apartments we have stayed everywhere. We've had to depend on the generosity of others and will continue to until this tour is over. To be honest, that is the single hardest thing of tour for me. Being a guest. Everyday, I go into a house that either is excited to have us or is just putting us up because they felt bad. But regardless, the small things you normally can take advantage of are different. That random drink of water that you want before going to bed becomes a small task of asking if its ok. There are perks, I get to try new shampoo everyday (and don't lie and say you never try people's shampoo when staying at others houses, if you stay with me I request that you use my stuff.) I also get to meet the most amazing people, the most amazing families that are so self-less, it blows 

me away. 

So this fall I have decided that I will be returning to school at the University of North Texas. I'll be majoring in English so I can be a teacher and maybe pay off some of my student loans. It will be different finally having an end in sight in regards to my education. I've been so excited about returning that its almost taken away from my joy on tour. Its weird to think that a year ago I would have died to be where I am and now I can't wait to return. Needless to say, I will never regret this time in my life. It will probably be the time that I tell stories of too often and people will get annoyed about hearing "when I was touring with Invisible Children....."

One thing that I ask your prayers for nearness to God. Tour can be so draining and it is hard to make myself put time into my relationship with God. Pray that I be more disciplined about this, so that this tour can be something that gives me more of Him instead of distracting me from him.