Ramblings pt. 2

Jim Elliot, a great American missionary from Portland, said: " He is no fool who gives what he can not keep, to gain what he can not lose." 

Its weird to me that I hold on to so much. And I do so willingly many times. Last year from December to June I had to opportunity of living with 3 amazing Godly men. From the outside, I fit in with them. We could talk about our struggles and be open often. In reality, I was going through some of the deepest and darkest struggles of my life. I never opened up and let it be known that I'm not perfect. So when God gave me men whom I could trust with that, who loved me enough to help bring me out of that, my pride didn't let me show how much of a mess I truly am. These past few weeks God has been really great in drawing near to me and reminding me of His goodness, but in doing so I am starting to remember how much junk I have (which is great, because His grace covers that), but those things demand and repentance and through sanctification, I must press forward from that sin. 

Another thing I have been thinking about is loving your enemy, blessing and praying for those who persecute you. On tour, I am around my teammates literally 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We get sick of each other, I love them but you can imagine.  Many times any one of them can do something really small that frustrates me and makes me want to retaliate and do the same thing back (as if any one of my teammates is out to destroy me and finds pleasure in making my life harder). But what would it look like if when my teammates do something that anger me, purposeful or not, I start to love them more. What does it look like if I don't remind them of the small thing I could have done. I know that I "get" the idea of loving the enemy (although I don't do it) but what about loving the person who annoys the crap out of you. Needless to say, I am learning once again how much of a mess I am.

please pray for me.