Grace

For the first time, that I know of, I am starting to understand grace. Don't get me wrong, if you had ever asked me I could have given you scripture, a good Piper or Bone quote and a good book to read on it (future grace is really good!) but I don't know if it ever made sense. 

I always felt that grace was something that happened in response to my better behavior. Even if I wouldn't say it, I felt it. So I'd read my bible a lot, pray  a lot and talk about Jesus often but as soon as I stumbled in any kind of outward sin I'd think I was beyond grace and give up, feeling "not worthy" to approach God or scripture. The issue with it isn't that I'm not worthy, it is the theology in it. Had I not (outwardly) sinned, would I have been any more worthy to go to God without the covering of Christ' blood? One thing I like about the book earlier (Future Grace by Piper) is about the "purifying power of future grace". Knowing that Grace is there in future just as it was in the past and there must be a constant state of repentance but only through Christ and Him crucified can I ever approach God. Not that I have it figured out, but it is so liberating to know that even as I sin that God's grace is still there. 

I'm not saying

 that it is freedom to keep sinning though. But once Grace is given there must be obedience. I'm reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer and that has been teaching a lot.  Here's a thought I've been thinking about....

"Cheap grace is preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, communion without confession, absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.

Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods..... Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it cost a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life"

I'm at this constant struggle of learning to be obedient and learning to accept grace. I think this struggle comes from thinking that they are separate. I am starting to learn that I'll never be perfect, I'll mess up all the time but repentance must be sought after again and again. Every moment, I must pursue Christ. I pray that I can learn this and not forget it.